We suffered a loss within my family last week and as a result of that we went back to my Grandparents home. As a child I had spent a lot of time within these walls and with these people, but as my life became busy and complicated less time was spent here. But this was my home, and this is my family.
There is this amazing feeling when you enter the physical area of your childhood memories. Regardless of the time spent away it’s a warm feeling of coming home to the familiar. This old country town particularly doesn’t change much and this house has stayed the same over the years. It’s a comforting feeling when you live a lifestyle of constant change.
The reason I came home has been nothing but devastating. When you enter walls of familiarity without the spirit of the woman who kept it firmly alive is a hard thing to swallow. Coming home without the smell of fresh biscuits or her hugs after a long drive destroys the comforting feeling of home. Watching my family alongside me suffer a sudden loss has been terrible to watch, trying to pick up the pieces left behind. She was an incredible woman, so full of strength and life with the work ethic like no one else I know. Honestly if I had half the work ethic this woman did I would have accomplished so much more with my life!
We have spent time going through photographs and telling stories since her passing. I have been feeling particularly empty, I have spent less time here than many of the rest of my family. There is an element of guilt always associated with being absent, no matter the reasoning for that. In the process of looking through the photos we have found numerous photos of me as a child and me as an adult. She has kept photos for every grandchild from birth to adulthood in multiple albums. Distance has never made me feel apart from this woman, and apparently not for her either.
I had expressed these feelings to a good friend of mine recently. She had responded to my thoughts telling me that Grandparents will always love regardless. It’s like having a good friend live far away. You might not speak to them everyday or see them every week but it doesn’t change the relationship. You can still get back together with these people after all this time apart and the love hasn’t gone away. The love never leaves. Its the same concept with Grandparents, the love regardless of the distance and time spent apart. But I guess the guilt will never be eliminated in some aspect.
This will always be my home, and I plan to spend a lot more time here. This will always be my best memories, maybe now with a tinge of sadness. But I will always feel her in this place, in this town. She is everywhere. These are my memories and my happiest place. My home.
Until next time,
x
